This is the best ever.

The patient.

My son has struggled with asthma most of his life which culminated in an eleven day stay in the pediatric intensive care unit and a small surgery on his lung. When we moved out to the countryside, away from the busy street where we had been living, his symptoms subsided dramatically and by the time he was 6, his pediatrician declared he no longer had the asthma diagnosis.

And then, this morning happened. He’s been suffering from what we thought was allergies for a couple weeks and last night out of nowhere, he spiked a temp and was breathing fast and shallow. And this morning… this morning it became obvious he needed to be seen immediately. I called into work and stayed home. Luckily, his doctor was available first thing so we didn’t have to go through the ER but as soon as she listened to him, you could see from the look on her fact that it was bad. There is a lot of wheezing. He’s not getting enough oxygen. He sounds like he has pneumonia. Then she turned on her heel and was back in less than 30 seconds with a nebulizer and meds and there he was, all hooked up like we had never stopped doing this.

And after a few minutes, he looked so much better, was breathing so much easier and I thought, “Oh my god. How did I miss this?”

I asked her that very question, I reminded her that this very office had informed me that I DID NOT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THE ASTHMA ANYMORE and she looked at me and glibly said, “Well, you know, we’ve been seeing a string of these cases crop up where latent asthma can just rear its head due to these certain viruses that are going around. Did he get a flu shot?”

No, no he didn’t get the fucking flu shot. Maybe if I thought he still had asthma, I would have considered it. Instead, he’s been oxygen deprived for probably a week now and is in the early stages of pneumonia because OH YEAH TURNS OUT HE STILL HAS ASTHMA.

Then she asked me what I’d been doing for his symptoms, if he’d been hitting his inhaler every couple of hours or how often did I think he’d been on it and I wanted to scream, “HE DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING INHALER BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T PRESCRIBE HIM ONE!”

Instead, I said that without screaming and without the f-word. She just smiled and nodded.

Anyway, we went and picked up all the usual goodies. The antibiotics, the steroids, the nebulizer meds…

And he’s going to be fine. And that’s what’s important. I just thought we’d gotten lucky, that he was over this. Lesson learned.

So we’ve spent most of the day hanging out on the couch. After a few more breathing treatments, he’s been perking up and acting like his old self, thank God. So we’ll see how tomorrow goes.

Saturday night I had a bachelorette party to attend for my friend Stephanie who is getting married next week. The plan loosely revolved around “going dancing” so I tried to get dressed up while still being comfortable. The weather has been unseasonably chilly at night, hence the long socks.

Dress: Tucker for Target

Belt: I think I got it at Kohl’s. I remember it was in a clearance bin somewhere. (Wow. I am not good at this.)

Headband: Gift from ModCloth when I bought my two piece.

Shoes: Maurice’s

Socks: Sock Dreams

Hopefully at some point pictures will surface of the actual festivities (I only managed to catch a few that turned out) and I promise I’ll share. It was a really fun night with some fabulous ladies. Although as one of the other gals mentioned, you know you’re getting old when you’re still sore in places you didn’t know you had from dancing all night… ouch.

By the way, I’m sorry this blog has taken a rather sudden and unexpected turn toward fashion and style but frankly, I’m digging it lately (and this blog has only ever been about the random things I’m interested in), and it’s a hobby I can actually justify spending time on because I mean, really, I HAVE to get dressed every day anyway. I may as well have some fun with it.

Summer so far:

Slip and slide in the back yard.

Exploring new bars in Milwaukee with the hubs.

Birthday parties for friends from school.

Sushi Sundays.

Playing at the park! (And losing teeth.)

Making homemade Tom Collins all the time.

Listening to the new Bon Iver over and over and OVER…. (I can see for miles, miles, miles.)

Hope everyone’s summer is going well! Ours is flying by already…

Ok, so this will seem ridiculous to a lot of you but this is somewhat momentous for me.

Are you ready?

I BOUGHT A TWO PIECE BATHING SUIT.

It is the first one I have ever owned. Including before my body was destroyed by babies.

You see this? MY BELLY IS TOTALLY COVERED. This is fabulous because, frankly, my belly had to go through this:

I don’t know if you can see clearly what’s happening in this picture but that would be FOURTEEN POUNDS OF BABIES PLUS ACCESSORIES stuffed under my shirt there.

Think I’m like ten months pregnant in this picture? TRY 34 WEEKS. 

On top of it, I had a C-section to remove said 14 lbs of babies and when you go and have your stomach muscles cut, things don’t exactly resume their normal shape that easily. (They don’t bother to mention that to you when they sell you on the whole “quick removal” method at the hospital, by the way.)

Oh yeah, then I got pregnant AGAIN.

This time I got off easy with only one almost 10 pound baby but STILL. COME ON.

If ever I had hope of having my belly go back to normal, it was shattered with this second stretching because really, your skin is just not meant to do things like this.

So the fact that I found and can actually wear a two piece that covers my poor damaged belly is pretty big. Historically, I’ve been pretty self conscious my whole life, so I’m sort of inordinately happy about this whole bikini thing. I mean, someone actually went ahead and designed some bathing suits that are cute and modest and don’t just let everything hang out. Fabulous! You can still see some of the wrinkles at the top of my midsection but you know what, OH WELL. I had babies and you can tell.

Although, I’m happy that in this suit, you can only tell just a little bit.

This suit and a BUNCH of other super adorable and mommy-friendly suits available at ModCloth.

In case you don’t follow me on Instagram and have missed out on my constant, obsessive stream of bunny picture posting, here you go:

This following is especially funny: Brown Bunny has figured out where the carrots are.

Warm enough to play outside! Yay!

Did you get your bunny fix? Okay. Swell.

This is algebra.

This is Micah.

HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD.

I haven’t been this impressed since he was 18 months old and very distinctly read the word “cat” off of a flash card (no picture included).

“Oh hey, I’m Micah. I like Mario, Pokemon, making jokes about butts and DOING SEVENTH GRADE MATH.”

By the way, if you want to read the hilarious things Micah and his brothers say to me and their dad, you can follow them on Twitter.

Jeans, shirt and hat: Gap.

Earrings: Target.

Bag: Coach (a gift from my mom.)

Shoes: ModCloth.

Hair cut & color by: Rebekah Tori

It was SO hot this week in Chicago. Marky had bought tickets to David Bazan for Wednesday night and although I changed after work into a frilly little dress for our date, by the time I picked him up from the train, I had sweat right through it and was feeling cranky and gross. So as a treat, Marky took me to The Gap and bought me an outfit to change into. I was so grateful to have jeans on at the venue because they had the a/c CRANKED and I was actually cold, believe it or not.

The show went so late, but it was so good, I didn’t mind. Here are a couple of my favorite tracks from his new album “Strange Negotiations.” I can’t stop listening to either of these. On “Eating Paper” the bass player did the little keyboard part WITH HIS FEET. Amazing. Also, I might have to cover “Won’t Let Go” because I can’t stop singing it to myself under my breath.

Quick outfit post: Great Gatsby Dress. Worn on Mother’s Day.

Dress: Anthropologie (bought second hand for forty bucks.)

Pillbox Hat: Vintage 1960′s, from my grandmother’s collection.

Hairpin: Made by me.

Earrings: Thrifted.

Shoes: Thrifted.

Necklace: Birdz N Beez

I found this dress on someone’s “Shop My Closet” type blog. I could not believe I was the first to offer to buy it. This dress is so unbelievable gorgeous. I would wear it way more often if I weren’t terrified I was going to spill something on it and ruin the lovely white lace. Also, my grandmother bequeathed upon me HER ENTIRE HAT COLLECTION. You would not believe how fabulous it is. Also, her entire Jackie O-era suit collection. I’ve begun sending them to the cleaners one by one to be cleaned and tailored. It is going to take forever but I can’t wait to start getting them back and wearing them in the fall.

Abandoned. That’s what I’ve done to this blog… and lots of other things in my life lately. I’m reduced to a very simple formula – work, sleep, weekends with the kids to make up for five days of being away, dates with my husband to make up for five nights of being the kind of tired that renders you unconscious the moment your head hits the pillow. Anything outside this formula just doesn’t work anymore. Writing? Playing music? Knitting? Making? Doing? It just takes away the precious little time I have to convince my kids that I’m not completely absent from their lives now. Even hanging out with friends, with people I love, leaves me feeling guilty. “I should be spending this time with my kids,” I think to myself over and over and over.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my job. I love it even more now that we’re deep into the summer rush. As exhausted as I am, I thrive off of having to run around all day. But it’s been an adjustment – and not an easy one. In two more months, I’ll have been here a year already. And it feels like I just started. The pace is so crazy. When you’re a full time mama, you have moments you have to stop. Nursing, rocking babies to sleep, snuggling after a a tearful recovery from scraped knees and elbows… Children force you to stop. Stop what you’re doing and hold me, stop what you’re doing and read me a story, stop what you’re doing and listen to me, look at this with me, stop, stop, stop. And it’s so simple – the priorities are so clear. Of course I’ll hold you – you won’t be little very much longer, of course I’ll read to you – soon you’ll be able to read this yourself, of course I’ll listen… soon you’ll be a teenager and maybe you won’t want to talk to me at all. When you’re at work, there is no one to stop you. And I was used to that. Children are exhausting too, but they’re also very restorative.

Last night the boys wanted to show me their portfolios from art class. School is ending and they’d brought home all their projects from the year. It was total chaos. An entire of year of “Stop and let me show you this!” crammed into 15 minutes as I’m walking in the door after almost 12 hours of work and 2 hours of driving. They were fighting with each other for my attention, trying to show me everything all at once. I felt terrible. I haven’t been here all year to see this. They were desperately trying to make sure each one got the most attention from me, that I would see each piece as quickly as possible. It was so unnatural. So weird. Eventually they all had to be sent to bed because they were fighting and yelling and unhappy.

I haven’t learned how to be a good working mom yet. I know it can be done – I have seen others do it. But I’m still learning. And I know the long commute is part of the problem – that has to change. We have to move out of here… but my children will hate me for doing that to them. They love it here. I can’t seem to find the right path through this – I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. So i just get up every day, go to work and come home again, hoping the answer will come during one of those long drives.

I don’t mean to sound all depressed and such – it’s not a terrible situation – just a transition I am trying to navigate. It’s like when you become a new parent and everything just seems so crazy and out of control until you get the hang of things. Just a transition.

At any rate, I’ve got lots of pictures to post which I will try to get to. I decided yesterday I am going to turn off my phone, focus on my kids, helping my husband get the house to rights, doing a couple things I never get to do (like blogging) and catching up on work so Monday doesn’t hit me like a ton of bricks.

Soon. I’ll get it right soon.