November 20, 2011
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Fortunately, unfortunately.
When I was little, I remember doing a project on this book. It stuck with me and sometimes I find myself applying it to my life and sort of writing my own version in my mind. Like this morning, I was taking a few minutes to read some of my blogs which are primarily the crafty mama types and I realized how not me all that is now. Not necessarily by choice but by circumstance. I don’t read mama blogs, I read The Kiplinger Letter. I don’t learn new knitting patterns, I learn about quoting heat exchangers. I don’t memorize recipes, I memorize formulas. So my new story reads like this:
Unfortunately, I don’t have time to craft anymore. Fortunately, I’ve discovered a whole new set of untapped skills to develop. Unfortunately, I can’t spend time to DIY. Fortunately, I make money and can purchase the things I used to kill myself trying to figure out how to make just so we could have them at all. Unfortunately, I don’t spend my days at home being a soft, squishy mama. Fortunately, I’m a supervisor who knows how to handle herself and can be tough when needed. Unfortunately, I am no longer in my comfort zone. Fortunately, it seems I’m confident enough that it doesn’t matter if I’m comfortable; more importantly, I’m capable.
Unfortunately, everything I was has taken a backseat due to the circumstances in which I find myself. Fortunately, as it turns out, I can be good at anything I want to, even the things I never considered doing. I can be whatever I need to be.
God is good and has equipped me with everything I need, even for this.
Anyway. Sometimes, I’m really sad when I look at my desk at home all covered in dust. Occasionally I pull out a project and sort of pick at it – really all I’ve managed to accomplish on that front is finishing one lone Christmas present and patching up a bunch of pairs of pants. I cleaned out the storage room yesterday and pulled out all the homeschooling supplies we will most likely never use. I’m less sad about losing that part of our lives than I was originally – turns out homeschooling genius children was going to be WAY harder than I thought – but I do miss teaching. I miss it a lot. But that’s just another unfortunately/fortunately story. Things change.
I’ve realized that I’m not special. I’m not unique. I’m not exempt. I am responsible for my children, their future is up to me. I need to start building something now that will support my responsibilities later. It’s not about my art, my creativity, about my needs and ideals. It’s about taking care of what’s been given to me.
Fortunately, I know how to do that.
