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Things got kind of unhinged around here for a while. Marky's band, The Felix Culpa is all set to release their new album which is consuming a good deal of everyone's waking hours and there's already tour plans in the works so I've been trying to simplify things here at home to reduce some of the chaos.
I quit working for GiGi's, which breaks my heart. I love the organization, I love teaching kids, I love their mission. But I think we've all worked somewhere where the person in charge wanted to do everything, and wanted to do everything their way, regardless of the rules or what anyone else thought. I just got tired of fighting it. Being a volunteer, on one hand it's an easy decision to walk away from an unhealthy environment because there's no income to consider. On the other hand, it's the most difficult thing in the world because you've been working from your heart and it's near impossible to leave the people you were serving behind without a giant hole being left in you.
Venna is also taking a break, which kills me to say. The strain of working for two full-time bands is too much though, and it's taking a toll on Marky, on Dustin, on me and on our kids. Especially right now while the new Culpa album is coming out, tour plans are being made and there's endless amounts of promo to do, merch to design and on and on and on. After Venna's Metro show tomorrow, we won't be booking for a while and I'm going to concentrate on getting back into the swing of things here at home now that the holiday insanity is over.
Speaking of holidays: I officially loathe Christmas. If I didn't feel so guilty about not giving the kids a holiday and worrying about what Jesus will think if I forget about his birthday, I would say screw it to the whole mess. I'm sure this is mostly due to the fact that I've completely lost sight of what the whole thing is supposed to be about in light of all the tension, stress, weather, and on and on and on. Right around October I'll say it's going to be different this year and I'll start my plans and by December 1st I'll be in the throws of major anxiety, wishing it would all just be over, please, let it be over.
Anyway, the good news is that it IS over, and my other endeavors are on hold indefinitely so hopefully this will relieve some of the stress here and I can focus on being a good mommy and helping us all survive the winter without going completely insane. Making some plans to meet up with other unschoolers, hopefully heading back into the city occasionally, reinstating weekly library time... We just need to take it down a notch around here for a while to catch up. And I'm at peace with that... or at least, I'm learning to be.
When I look around, musically speaking, these are the women I really love and pretty much want to be.
Zooey Deschanel of She & Him. I already have the dark and curly haired co-conspirator and I've totally stolen her hairstyle and eyeliner but if I could just have part of her wardrobe and a smidgen of her stage presence I think I'd be complete.
Chan Marshall, otherwise known as Cat Power. We cover her cover of I Found a Reason, mostly just because I like to pretend that my voice is also that sexy. I'm in love with the way she writes about other bands... and being in love with people musically.
Bjork should just go without saying. If there's something imperfect about her, I have no idea what that is.
Annie Clark of St. Vincent. Someone told me after a show once that I sounded like her and I wanted to scream with joy. Come on, that gentle vibrato, those crazy melodies, that 1940's aesthetic... I'll take it all, frankly.
Leslie Feist. Venna went as Feist a couple years ago and covering her version of Sea Lion Woman was one of the hardest things I've done musically since that eight-part piece in Czech my insane choir director made us do when I was 11. Anyway. She's fabulous. I love how undone and free she always looks. And don't even get me started on her dancing.
Joanna Newsom. Her voice is so incredibly unique and I mean, she plays the harp. Wow.
Fiona Apple, who I know is crazy, but I've loved her so long, I don't know how not to. I heard her on the radio when I was 16 and stopped in my tracks, it was so unbelievably beautiful. I know every word to When the Pawn... and Paper Bag is my warm up song of choice. Every time I sing it, it makes my voice happy. It never gets old, and neither does she.
Jolie Holland. Her song Mexican Blue is on my Top 5 Songs of All Time. That list only has one other song on it right now, which is Stars by Hum so, you can see how awesome this song must be if it made it on the list. Side-note: You may wonder why I have Top 5 song list that only has two songs on it, but I figure, I'm only 27, I can't go shoving a bunch of songs on a list when I have a lot of life and a lot of music left for me to experience. I'll probably save that fifth spot for my death bed. Anyway. Jolie Holland. Amazing voice.
I confess I secretly hope that as I get more mature and established, I'll end up on someone's list. That the music I put out there would be worth it to someone. I guess we all hope that we'll be special one day... important.
Anyway! This has been one hell of a week. Some pretty amazing times followed quickly by totally devastating ones. More about Chicago and Thanksgiving and trying to figure out, still, what the hell I'm doing later on, maybe. Right now, there's some Internet TV and a Guinness with my name on it.
This is the best day ever. As a joke, I pointed to a mess of chips on the floor during dinner and announced to my children that I was magical and going to make them disappear. I pointed to them and yelled, "ALAKAZAAAAM! Make those chips be GONE!" Then I opened my eyes and pretended to be very depressed to discover that I was not, in fact, magical at all. They all looked at each other, looked at me and then said, "Try again, Mom!" So I did, and while one distracted me, the other cleaned up the chips, acted very surprised at their disappearance and then reported that I was magical after all.
I proceeded to "alakazaaam" the rest of the kitchen. It is now clean.
Go on. Just try to tell me that isn't magic.
Also, I randomly found this list and it cracked me up.
Going along with my theme of things from my childhood that have carried over into my adult happiness... Let's talk about bears.
I had a bear, and this is what happened to him. (He looked just like this bear, too.)
My little brother tossed him out the window and I didn't notice he was gone until (gasp!) night time and by then, someone had taken him for their own. He was gone. In the arms of some other little girl forever. It was worse than that time I left my entire collection of miniature Cabbage Patch dolls at the mall.
I still have a thing for bears though, especially artwork involving bears and little girls. I love the protective feel of a lot of this art... feelings carried over from clutching a special bear at bedtime afraid of the dark or, in my case, afraid there were lobsters in the bottom of my bed ready to snip off my toes. (I was a little bit odd as a child.)
If I still had my bear, I'd knit him a scarf too. I made clothing for a lot of my toys and dolls... now I make clothing for my kids and friends. I love how patient this bear is, waiting for her. He doesn't even need a scarf, and yet, there he sits.
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