This day has been a frustrating one. Now, it’s really my own fault, but it’s been frustrating nonetheless.

First off, Micah was running a fever last night and woke up convinced the house was full of bad guys. I sat up with him for about an hour and half in the middle of the night until his fever broke and he could get back to sleep. I fell asleep right after that and then proceeded to sleep right on through my alarm, right through all the kids waking up before me, right through them fixing their own breakfast in the playroom ON THE COUCH…

Now, I know what you’re thinking. I was up with my sick child, I was sleepy, not my fault, right? Wrong. Actually, the reason I slept in was because I was dreaming that I was dating Nathan Fillion and damn it, I just didn’t want to wake up.

Interestingly enough, most of the dream was me trying to hide him from my parents because they didn’t approve. They couldn’t understand why I would want to date an actor. Of course he’s good enough for me, Dad, he wears suspenders and carries a LASER GUN. I tried explaining that he wasn’t just any actor, that he was a SPACE COWBOY and damn it, couldn’t they see past the pretty face and into his beautiful soul? Apparently not. I had to sneak out my bedroom window so we could go get TCBY.

At any rate, I begrudgingly exited my dream and stumbled downstairs only to find all three boys sitting in a POOL of milk and cheerios, watching Spiderman. Tired as I was, I at least had enough wits about me to refrain from addressing the mess until after I was properly caffeinated. So I had some coffee, checked my email and then began cleaning.

Now, most times when I clean the house, I pick a few things I am going to do and I do them and am done with it. If I don’t have a plan, I just clean all day and nothing else gets done. Today I had no such self-restraint. Today was the kind of day where I clean one thing and three other things would spring up. I rid the sofa of the soggy cheerio mess only to find that there were popcorn kernels under the cushions. I cleaned those and discovered there were actually popcorn kernels EVERYWHERE. I couldn’t vacuum of course, because the floor was strewn with toys. Then, I couldn’t pick up those toys because the toy baskets were being used for some sort of Bakugan battle station… and on and on and on… Finally, four rooms, seven loads of laundry, one carpet cleaned, two moldy garbage cans later… we were finally ready for our planned day at the beach. At 2:45 pm. Another thirty minutes and we were finally there, money in the meter, headed for a sunny spot. Then Jonah had to poop.

*

So we made the trek back to the bathroom and all waited outside for him to be done and then, oh my stars, we were ready for our day at the beach! We found the perfect spot, sat down on the sand for some relaxati… wait, was that a raindrop?!

Oh yes dear friends, yes it was. And 45 minutes later, there were many, many more and we packed up and headed back to the car. That’s when I realized I had forgotten that I needed to go to the store to get something for dinner.

We ate at Burger King. I’m not the least bit sorry.

Also, I can tell that Marky has been gone too long because our phone conversations have gotten all awkward. Tour is going well, I am holding down the fort, things are pretty stable, but after the first five days usually is when you start to realize that you are now operating in two different worlds. I can only say, “That sounds awesome! Yay! I’m so happy for you guys!” so many times before I’m like, “Look man, you’re hanging out with the guys from Brand New and I’m bleaching moldy garbage cans. We’re kind of on different planets right now, okay!?” And it’s not because I’m upset that he’s having fun or living his dream, it’s not that at all. It’s because I’m worn out having the kids all by myself 24/7 and I’m tired of having to deal with crises all by myself and because the truth is, it’s easier to bleach garbage cans when he’s upstairs in his office working because it feels like we’re yoked together, working for the same thing. And when he’s away, doing Culpa you have to have a broader mindset to still feel like you’re still working towards the same thing. Because the truth is, at the end of a show or a tour, we don’t get paid, our kids don’t directly benefit and I’m alone. Because the truth is, this is a sacrifice that may never pay off.

And most days, I’m okay with that. Nothing amazing comes without sacrifice, I know that. But some days… some days it’s hard to see past the garbage cans and the endless “Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?” and damn it, I just want him to come home.

But that will pass, like it always does, most likely by tomorrow. Some decent sleep will do wonders.

So no spending all night getting froyo with space cowboys for you, subconscious.

Jonah wanted to take some photos of what we were up to yesterday to show Marky. Here’s what he took, in the order he took them. In the interest of artistic integrity, I should let you know that not included are some doubles, some black screens and a shot of our garbage that literally made me gag when I saw it, so I’m sparing you all the experience.

Oh, bunny.

So if you’ve noticed the increase in blogging ’round these parts, it’s because since husband is away on tour, I have full access to his work computer, which is, you know functional, as opposed to my iBook which may or may not randomly delete pictures, posts, applications, etc. and annoy me in any of a thousand other ways it can devise.

I’ve been keeping myself busy while husband is away, which is always the best line of defense against the loneliness and such. It’s nice to have all this time to myself after the kids go to bed… I’ve mostly been spending it with these two.

My mandolin playing is just awful and I’m working on rectifying that fact. The accordion is something new. I play a melodica on some Venna songs which is basically a little mouth piano, and not very competently at that. To be honest, I have one instrument I play really well and it’s in my throat. Everything else is a struggle. I’m uncoordinated, I don’t have a lot of time to practice, I don’t have the feel for it. But I want to be better so I’m trying, as much as I’m able. I don’t know why I thought I’d be able to wrangle the accordion, given that it’s probably the most complicated (not to mention unwieldy, HEAVY, loud) instrument I have ever handled. Forty five minutes of practice is enough to put my arms into a coma. I’m happy to report I at least have a feel for the bellows and I’ve memorized the placement of some of the buttons. Also, I was fortunate enough to realize early on that I was initially holding it upside down. Working on a couple cover tunes to try and learn my way around a song, using both hands and such. I’m enjoying the challenge but, man. It’s rough going.

I also learned how to grill. Will wonders never cease?

Anyhow. Back to chores now. The laundry is scandalous.

It’s ridiculous hot here. If there’s some sort of inappropriateness about wearing nothing but bathing suits until the damn heat breaks, I’m not paying it any mind.

Wow. Can you tell I was up all night last night watching Firefly?!

Anyways. Since I’m pretty much relegated to wearing clothing which allows me run through the sprinkler at any given moment, I’m getting a kick out of drooling over some fancy pants dresses I could see wearing a lot once the weather calms down some. These are all from ModCloth - the most reasonably priced online store of awesomeness I have ever encountered. These are my favorites.

Right??? DROOLING. I find that as I choose to purchase dresses instead of tops and pants, the more inclined I am to just wear them. Bonus if the dress can be thrown over leggings or skinny jeans to extend its life, seasonally speaking. In the summer and autumn, I prefer to wear dresses whenever possible. So much more comfortable and besides, dresses are pretty. And dresses like these are REALLY pretty. DROOOOOOOOL.

Also, I came across this little number which is the only bikini I would ever consider wearing, ever. Now I know the designer’s intent was not creating a bikini that could be worn by those of us carrying some heavy baby-having battle scars, but I’m pretty amazed at how the cut of this suit would perfectly cover C-section scars and any little belly pooch still hanging around. Not to mention it’s totally cute in that pinup girl way that I just love.

Lastly, I didn’t realize that ModCloth had stationery! WHAT.

Okay. Time for a sprinkler run.

Continuing to knock things off our summer to-do list…

“Go to the Beach A LOT” Went to the beach with my family last weekend and then my parents took us out to eat at Perkin’s. Jeremiah made a pizza with his pancakes and french fries. My in-laws bought beach passes this year and while they’ve been on vacation, we’ve been borrowing them which means the beach which normally is outrageously expensive, is totally free. All three boys are swimming now too so it’s actually a relaxing experience to take them to the lake… (Will wonders never cease?!)

“Build a Treehouse.” Now, building one will probably not happen this summer but we were fortunate enough to be invited over to play at the Barton’s and they have a fantastic, huge, magical, every-kids-dream treehouse which Mr. Barton made out of salvaged stuff. Amazing, huh?

“Fireworks!” We got to see fireworks TWICE and we did fireworks at home with my family and with our neighbors. Fourth of July was really, really fun.  

My goal this summer was to make sure my home was peaceful, organized and that we made the most of the nice weather. I like goals and lists because when things are crazy or we have a bad day I can look at this summer so far and say, we have really done a lot. My house has been fairly well maintained, I’ve done everything I can to keep the peace and our to-do list has more things crossed off than I thought we’d be able to do. I feel really good about that. I like when I feel like I’ve organized my home and my time in such a way that my kids are happy, I get things done and everyone benefits.

On our list of things to do this summer was go to the zoo. Venna made some extra money on merch at our last show so we invested in a zoo pass which I can already see is going to get a TON of use.

It’s funny, I haven’t been to this zoo since I was in middle school. Being homeschooled, my mom always bought passes to everything. Zoos, science museums, childrens’ museums… we went everywhere. I had this weird feeling of deja vu the entire trip. The last time I was there, my little brothers were about the same ages as my children are now.

 I find my life is very cyclical… I keep coming around to these exact same situations over and over. When I’m with my kids, I often have the feeling that I’ve done all this before. It’s weird but also comforting. Being the oldest of seven, I couldn’t have been more prepared to take care of my own kids… it’s been a huge benefit to me, being such a young mom. When I should feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, more often than not I’m fairly confident because I spent so much time being a part of taking care of my younger siblings. When I was taking care of them, I often thought to myself, this is what it will be like when I have my own kids.

So, it was really satisfying to take my own little boys to the same zoo, to walk the same paths and see their excitement at all the animals… It was like a successful performance after so much rehearsal. Makes it all the more crucial to me to do the right thing by my kids. What will they bring into their own parenting? Will their childhood be the kind they’d like to provide for their own kids someday?

My computer and I are locked in a battle of wills. I want to back up my iPhone, it tells me there isn’t enough space. I delete gigs of music and it tells me there still isn’t enough space, PLUS now I’m going to slap you with an unknown iTunes error. I restart and give the iPhone backup a try and instead it rearranges my apps and spits it back out with an error message that says, literally, NOTHING.

Why you gotta be treating me this way, little iBook? We’ve been through so much together. This is no way to end a relationship. I know you’ve heard rumors of me getting a MacBook Pro, but considering our finances, you can safely assume those will stay rumors for a good long while. The truth is… I need you. Don’t give up on me now. I don’t care that your hard drive is minuscule or that you refuse to run Microsoft Word. I make do. But so help me, if you mess with my iTunes playlists ONE MORE TIME… so help me, I will BUY A PC.

Ahem.

Parenting lately has been a lot like the above. I remember being a foolish 16 year-old thinking that if I had a child like Calvin, my life would be like a funny comic strip. I’d be laughing all the time. Careful what you wish for, kids, cause I’m now wrangling not one, but three little Calvins, and let me tell you, when dog poo gets dragged across the carpet I look a LOT like Calvin’s mom, although in my story, the next panel shows me in the kitchen pouring whiskey in my coffee mug. (Kidding, kidding.)

We’re wrestling with some pretty big issues at the moment which include me most likely trying to find a job. I’m not sure what this is going to mean for our upcoming homeschool year, to be honest. I bought a little teacher’s planner at Target last week half-heartedly, wondering if I’m going to have to set it aside this year and register the boys in public school. I so do not want to do this but we need to get ourselves situated financially here. I’m so tired of being fraught with worry every month because we’re only barely making it because we are stretched so thin. There is so much I want to do. I’m caught between worrying only about the troubles of the day and worrying about planning a future. Which is right?

People ask us all the time how we do this. How are we both in bands, playing, touring, homeschooling, volunteering, working, making, doing… how is it possible? The truth is, it’s not, really. Sometimes everything works and it’s glorious and other times, we realize a bill isn’t going to get paid or there’s not money for gas to get around that week or that a show has to be canceled because the kids need us. Some days I let the kids watch movies or go crazy with paint and play-doh all day so that I can do work for Club Layton. Then I stay up all night cleaning up the aftermath. I have been known to let them play their Gameboys for an hour or two so that I can write letters or make phone calls or just clean the house. Some days I shut off my phone and don’t return text messages so we can spend all day playing at the park. And some days, we all sit in our pajamas and eat snack foods for all three meals and watch TV on Netflix.

I’m still working on the balance of it all. But the financial side has become more and more pressing because the truth is, it’s hard to be in a touring band and still make enough money for three growing boys. So, I’m putting together my resume and praying over it. Because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Because this isn’t at all as simple as it seems.

Anyway. I have a few more weeks to figure it out, see if I can even get a job. Maybe I can do both. Maybe I can work at night, after the day’s schooling is done. I don’t know what the answer is. What I do know is that I can’t bend the world to my will, I can’t make things be as I want them. Praying.

You know, one of the very best parts of being in a band and playing music is the people you meet. The people who come up to you after you play and tell you what your music meant, the promoters who really just want to see music live and thrive, the venue owners who want to make a place where people can gather and enjoy shows… I’ve gotten to meet some incredible people and to play alongside incredible artists.

I met Kevin Prchal when we played together at the Beat Kitchen in Chicago. I fell in love with his voice and his songs and we’ve played a handful of shows together since. He’s an old school sort of gentleman and really kind in spirit. We’re always psyched to be put on a bill with him because it means we get to hang out and we get to see him play. Kevin is one of those artist friends whose music I would absolutely love even if I didn’t know him at all… it’s just so good. Anyway, if you get a chance to see him live: go. Here’s a new song I saw him play at Mad Maggie’s last week. I loves it.

“Everything Kills” by Kevin Andrew Prchal – Live Music Video from Justin Thompson on Vimeo.

We’ve been playing again which has been amazing. Last night we played in Elgin at Mad Maggie’s, which I’d never been to before. A lovely lady informed me that she took video so perhaps I’ll have something to share from that night. I felt at home on stage there, which I can’t say I do very often. There was a butterfly on stage… maybe that had something to do with it.

And now we take a big, long break while Culpa goes on tour all over the place. It’s alright though, the boys are going to be starting 1st grade and I need to get ready for that, not to mention that the Special Olympics Young Athletes class I’m coaching starts in two weeks. I’m going to be a busy mama, it’s true. I’m feeling really good about this summer though… the boys and I made a list back in May of all the things they wanted to do and we’ve been ticking them off one by one. Today we finally made it to the zoo and they got to ride a dinosaur. That wasn’t even on the list.

Yeah, it’s been a good summer. A busy one, but good.

You know what never gets old?

That’s right. My bunny. I am turning into a crazy bunny lady and I don’t mind a bit. He follows me everywhere, crawls into my lap when I’m sitting, lays on my feet while I do dishes and generally steals my heart every 30 seconds with his completely adorable personality. He’s incredibly curious and playful… he likes to investigate whatever I’m doing. It cracks me up. He’s learned how to go up and down the stairs as well so he literally follows me all over the house.

Did you know that bunnies could have personalities? I had no idea. Mine does and I love it. I think he loves me too. This is me laying on the floor because he was freaking out that I was on the couch and inaccessible. As soon as I laid down, he hopped over, nuzzled my nose and laid right by me.

He also has friends to hang out with.

Whiskers belongs to our neighbors and he comes outside to play sometimes. They’re snuggle buddies.

Awh, friends. Although, they do snuggle in a *ahem* more adult fashion as well. Oh, to be a sexually frustrated rabbit…

Look at those big, furry feets. I swear he thinks he’s a dog, the way he just splays all out on the floor. Anyway.

Those are my bunny pictures for now. I apologize to no one.